Category Archives: mindset shift

The Dishes. Again.

The dishes. Again. 

With four people home all the time, we run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. 

I realized recently that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we’re both home all day. But my schedule is more flexible, I’m with the kids more during the day, working while they’re in their remote learning classes. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too? 

 dishes. again. let's change the narratives.

Then I realized how incorrect this thinking is. It wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner. 

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel a lot of pressure to keep their spaces clean and organized and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space in here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organized when I’m stressed out.

But, women are conditioned from a young age that keeping the house and family organized is our responsibility. We wrap our worth up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men just haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women. 

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it on their own time. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And it continues. 

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores and the organizing of schedules and planning of everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done. 

It’s time to change that narrative. 

I realize that I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Involve everyone in the household. Down to the youngest child. 

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together. And then we read a book titled The Great Zooberry Debacle: A Tale of Many Hands.

Here are some more thoughts on this topic. And if you want to talk more about this, schedule a 30-minute phone call with me.

If you want more information on how to start this work, sign up below! You’ll receive a free PDF with questions to help get you started.

    Tuesday Tune-Up

    We have reached the end of the first quarter of 2021. That means it’s time for a quarterly check-in. Whether you work for yourself or are employed by a company, this is a great time to take a step back and see how you are doing on everything you wanted out of 2021.

    Action Changes Things
Tune-Up
Quarterly check-in

    Whether you set lofty, detailed goals or are using a word of the year, take some time to check in with yourself. Personally and professionally, how are you doing?

    Are the things you’ve said yes to, the projects, commitments, activities, in alignment with your values? If not, can you find a way to get out of it? Renegotiate parts of it? Delegate it? Or is it something you simply need to make happen?

    Take some time this week to identify what is working and what is not working in your life. What routines need to be tweaked? What steps need to be taken towards a goal? What needs to be tuned up in your life?

    Track your time if you haven’t recently. It helps you know where your time is truly going. Here are some resources to help with that.

    If you want support around this process or you feel you need to make some changes around your productivity to help you with these goals, set up some time to talk!

    How Do You Know You Are Busy?

    I was recently talking to someone about being busy. She said she knows she’s busy when she’s been working 7 days straight for weeks on end. Not making time for anything fun. 

    And yes, that is busy. I also wonder if being busy includes those fun activities that we said yes to long ago but no longer find fun. 

    If you’re used to plowing through each day, hauling kids from one activity to another (or running to your own), crossing tasks off your list as fast as you can, falling into bed exhausted at the end of the day, then you might not even be aware of how you are spending your time.

    We committed to something and continue to do it because we feel we should or we don’t know how to say no. 

    We do what’s on our task list because it’s there, not really thinking about why we are doing it and if it’s worth the time. 

    How do we break this cycle?

    What if you tracked your time, every 30-60 minutes for one, maybe even two weeks? (Find resources on how to do that here.)

    Then spent time evaluating where your time is really going. 

    Yes, even in a pandemic. 

    know you are busy

    When we track our time, we know where it’s going. We might think we’re spending a lot of time working, but we’re really not (or vice versa). Or that we’re rarely on social media, but in reality, the amount of time we spend mindlessly playing on the Internet surprises us. Or that all we do is laundry and dishes. But in reality, it’s less than 20 minutes a day on both. 

    Then, what if we took that information and started being more intentional with our time? Finding ways to stop doing the things that no longer serve us. Focusing on the tasks that are moving us forward in our lives, both professionally and personally. Wrapping up the projects that we’ve committed to but they linger because we’re not invested in them anymore. (and, wrapping up could include delegating or deleting, if that’s possible). 

    What does your time look like? Are you busy? Or are you spending your time intentionally?

    If you want to talk about tracking your time and what to do with that information once you have it, schedule a 30-minute call with me!

    Busy Is A Four-Letter Word

    Yes, I said it. I think busy is a four-letter word. And not a good one.

    Are you constantly doing something? A task on your to-do list? A commitment or activity?

    busy is a four-letter word

    Is everything that you’re doing moving you forward personally or professionally? Or the required parts of living, like dishes and laundry? 

    Or are there things on there that you do but aren’t really necessary? You’re going through the motions, without thinking about what you’re doing? (It’s ok, be honest with yourself here). 

    I think our society treats being busy as a badge of honor. 

    We’re a country that doesn’t guarantee time off. Most companies who do offer vacation time only offer about two weeks. And those of us who have vacation rarely take that time. And if we do, we’re checking emails and taking calls. 

    We never really rest. 

    Outside of work, we have ourselves and our kids signed up for every activity under the sun. Every minute is a scheduled play date, sports, or music activity. Weekends are full of birthday parties, more play dates, more sports. 

    We can’t let ourselves or our kids ever utter the sentence I’m bored. (Side note here, I’ve read isn’t actually that they’re bored, but that they want connection with you. And giving them connection, and sitting with them in their boredom for a few minutes, moves them out of it). 

    We never stop that constantly running list in our head. When we’re working, we’re thinking about the house tasks and if we’ve spent enough time with our kids. When we’re with our kids, we’re thinking of all the other tasks we’re not doing. 

    So we’re never really present in our lives. This is part of our overwhelm. This constantly feeling like there’s something else we need to be doing.  

    And we complain about it, but in a way that makes it seem like there’s really nothing we can do about it. (Or that we enjoy it, maybe, we’re not sure. We’re too tired to really figure it out). 

    So what do we do?

    What happens if we say no to a few of those birthday party invitations? To all the activities? Picking one or two for each family member each season? 

    What if we make time for leisure? For rest? 

    Those to-do lists are always going to be there. There will always be something that needs to be done.

    If you have ways to manage your tasks (something I talk often about here and in my virtual community) you know that your big stuff is taken care of. It’s documented. It’s scheduled. There’s time. So you can focus on the work task or spending time with the kids.

    What are you going to do with this leisure? 

    Want to keep reading? Here’s more!

    If you’re struggling with how to make time for leisure or letting go of the guilt of it, schedule some time with me!

    Next week, we will look at how to know if you are too busy!

    Stop It

    Stop redoing the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it. Stop picking up the toys your kids needed to pick up. Stop taking on more tasks around the house or at work because you think no one else is going to do it as well. 

    stop it.

    You are wearing yourself out. 

    Sure, you might be able to fit more dishes in the dishwasher if you loaded it. But, if someone else already loaded it, then the task is done. Cross it off the list and move on. 

    In college, I had a roommate who would reclean the bathroom after I did it. Because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. So I stopped cleaning the bathroom. What was the point? I wasn’t wasting my energy doing something that wasn’t respected. 

    And I wonder if this happens in our own houses. As women, we take on tasks or redo tasks because no one else is going to do it up to our standards. 

    But how is that serving you or those in your household? What is that teaching your kids? 

    Of course, your kids aren’t going to put their toys away exactly as you would. But if they’re put away (even if they’re in the wrong boxes), does it matter? Sure, your partner does things differently. He or she is not you. My husband folds towels differently than I do. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I occasionally fold them that way now too. 

    The point of all of this is a mindset shift. Find a way to let go of the way others do things. Let them be a part of the household, helping each other get things done. 

    If it’s important to you that something is done a certain way, explain it to the rest of your family. Help them learn it. Then let go. Or, if it’s really important, do it yourself. But you don’t get to complain when no one else helps. 

    I’m not saying this is easy. I still struggle with it on occasion. But I’m working on saying to myself, Great, that’s one thing I can cross off my list.  

    And I move on to the next task. 

    Let me know what your mindset shifts need to be! What are you working on this week?

    Here’s more on this topic.

    One Big Interruption

    This pandemic has been one big life interruption. Everything we took for granted, all our routines, everything has been interrupted.

    interruptions

    By now, we’ve likely created some new routines and maybe even feel like we’re doing a bit more than surviving. Or maybe you still feel like you’re simply surviving each day (or barely hanging on). There is no right way to be dealing with a pandemic.

    As much as we’re frustrated by this pandemic, it’s also an amazing time for a reset. I’ve heard from several moms about how much they enjoy not running from one activity to another. How much they enjoy dinner together as a family every night.

    As we move into 2021 and see a light at the end of the tunnel, start thinking about what’s next.

    Now is the time to start building routines, identifying what’s important to you, what you want your life to look like going forward.

    • What is it you truly want to continue doing as we move toward the next chapter of normal in our lives?
    • What needs to shift?
    • What’s really important to you and what does that look like in your life?

    Take this time. I promise it will be well spent.

    Want to read more? Head here.

    Schedule a 30-minute call with me to talk about your relationship with time!